


Going Back

by legendaryroar



Series: Shatt Week 2018 [5]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, kerberos - Freeform, post-reunion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-03
Updated: 2018-08-03
Packaged: 2019-06-21 03:44:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15548871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/legendaryroar/pseuds/legendaryroar
Summary: Matt wants to go back to Kerberos for closure. Shiro has no reason to deny him. Until he does.





	Going Back

There’s a noise in Shiro’s ears. It’s like old tv static, or the buzz and rattle of a dying refrigerator. His heart is racing, and he can feel himself break out in a sweat under his suit. Each step feels harder and harder, like there’s something pulling at him from behind. Somewhere around his middle, making him want to hunch over and retreat.

He didn’t expect to react like this. He should probably say something, but Matt is staring around with wide eyes as his footsteps crunch the uppermost layer of ice on Kerberos’ surface. He needs this. Closure. Shiro thought it was a waste of time, but he’s always willing to do anything for Matt, so agreeing hadn’t been hard.

If only he’d been more prepared for his own reaction.

He hangs back a few steps behind Matt, trying to slow his breathing and calm his expression. Everything started here. All that pain and suffering. All that it had put everyone at home through. He doesn’t want to be here. He wants to get back inside Black and return to the castle. To go to his room and hide under his blankets like a kid. That always made things better as a kid.

“It’s so still,” Matt says, his voice coming in as a breathless whisper over the comm in Shiro’s helmet.

Shiro focuses on his voice, lets it echo in his mind. He takes another step, keeps his eyes fixed on Matt’s back. Watches him move forward so easily. Watches him get further ahead, and then realises he’s stopped moving himself.

In a moment of selfishness, with his hands tightening into fists, he finds his voice. “I can’t.”

Matt turns at once, sharply, skidding sideways a little on the frosty ground. His eyes are wide as he sweeps his gaze over Shiro.

It makes Shiro feel open and raw. He shouldn’t have agreed to this. He should have said something earlier, when just seeing Kerberos through the viewport had set his heart racing.

Matt moves closer, his footsteps crunching the crusty frozen earth. He doesn’t stop when he reaches Shiro. He takes his hand and continues past him, pulling him along without a word.

Shiro grips his hand tighter than he should, relieved Matt took his left hand and not his right. He would have probably broken his bones. But he can’t stop himself from continuing to react even with Matt’s comforting grip. He can hear his own breathing becoming louder and louder. His stomach sinks with how pathetic he is for ruining Matt’s closure. He should have kept his mouth shut.

As soon as they’re inside Black, Matt touches the nearest wall and closes his eyes. Shiro glances around rapidly, taking in the familiar surroundings, using his free hand to rip off his helmet and let it fall to the floor. It doesn’t help him breathe like he thought it might.

Beneath his feet, he hears Black roar to life and take off. It doesn’t even seem strange that Matt somehow got her flying.

Matt lets go of his hand long enough to pull off his own helmet, and then his gloves. His hands slide over Shiro’s cheeks and then Matt’s a warm presence in front of him, pressing their foreheads together.

“Breathe, Shiro,” Mat murmurs. “You’re okay. I’m okay. We’re gone. We’re already out of sight of it.”

Shiro shudders and slumps against him, shifting his head to the side and burying it in Matt’s neck, feeling the comforting tickle of his hair and the smell of that shampoo Lance made for him.

“I’m sorry,” he breathes, sliding his arms around Matt’s waist and clutching at his back.

“No,” Matt says. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think. I should have checked in when we landed. It’s okay. I went there. I saw what I needed to see. I didn’t need to stay any longer. Put it from your mind. Just focus on breathing.”

Shiro squeezes his eyes shut. In all of Matt’s silliness since he’s been back, he’d forgotten just how serious he can be. Just how easily he can read Shiro and know what he needs.

Slowly, they slide to the floor as Black continues to fly them back to the castle. Shiro can’t bear to show his face, he keeps it pressed to Matt’s neck as Matt holds him, gently rubbing at the back of his neck, right where Shiro feels most tense.

“We’ll stay in the hangar as long as you need,” Matt says softly. “No one needs to know why, or we’ll say it was me.”

Shiro’s breath hitches on a sob and he doesn’t even try to hold it back. Not with Matt.

After a time, he can feel them land. Can feel Black powering down. Matt doesn’t even twitch. His fingers still rub gently at the base of Shiro’s skull and he just keeps breathing slowly and loudly, giving Shiro a pace to follow.

They sit there for a long time, but when they finally do leave, with Shiro’s eyes dry and his posture tall and proud again, he does feel that maybe Matt was right. Deep down, something does feel soothed. He never wants to see Kerberos again, but maybe he did need to. Just once.

**Author's Note:**

> Re-posted from an old account to this, my new one. Written for Shatt Week 2018, Day 5: Kerberos/Reunion. I chose Kerberos.
> 
> You can find me at [@legendaryroar](http://legendaryroar.tumblr.com) on tumblr.


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